In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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