I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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