cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
