So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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