Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
