Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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