you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
