SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
