real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So drunk its hurt
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
