this beer tastes like vomit already
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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