i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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