what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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