Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
