from now on my penis is your penis
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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