The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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