I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
