"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
