when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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