my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
