I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
