we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
