I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
