I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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