Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
