finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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