I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
