so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
