Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
