plz talk dirty to me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
