Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
