He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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