dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
