I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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