Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
