think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
