Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
