We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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