I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
