Define "chronic" masturbator.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
