just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
