I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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