just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
