All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
