I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
