Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
