she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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