No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
