You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
