woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
