"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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