You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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